Healthy Leaders Return to Joy Quickly
Do you ever get stuck in a grudge? Hi-jacked by fear and frustration for days on end? Maybe weeks? Are you avoiding certain people? You’ll probably agree you are not yourself and that you’ve lost your joy. You’re stuck.
For a number of years I was consistently defensive when it came to disagreements between my wife Ashley and I regarding the church we used to serve. If she had a concern with the decisions being made and practices being... practiced, I would have an emotional response that manifested in anger. I would get hi-jacked by this negative emotion; insecurity and defensiveness became my posture. I lost my appreciation for her, curiosity for what she thinks, kindness in my words, and joy in my heart. It might have been hours, sometimes days, before I could return to a place of joy.
Did you know a healthy trained brain can return to joy within 90 seconds? A minute and a half! Imagine the last time you had a situation like my “discussion” with my wife... how long did it take before you returned to joy?
We are our best and true relational selves when we return to joy quickly. 90 seconds. Joy is to be our default as human beings being made in God’s image and this we often have to fight for; and it’s worth it! To quote Nehemiah, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” If this is the case, our strength as leaders and teams is measured by our level of joy. Our joy-level is critical.
A lack of joy effects not just us, but those around us. A disconnected self is an ineffective self. We lose our influence and relationships suffer. Teams suffer. Marriages and families suffer.
“Grumpy Christians make bad missionaries.”
Yet, there is a way to learn to return to joy quickly!
Here is a tool to tweak your week:
It’s an acronym: VCR
Step 1: VALIDATE
Step 2: COMFORT
Step 3: REWIRE
This week when you notice yourself losing your joy, validate your emotions and fears; acknowledge what you’re feeling and permit yourself to feel them. Then comfort yourself through solving the problem. Remind yourself of the truth of your identity; you are loved, worthy, and important. Gather the facts of the situation and of the relationship; be objective. As you do this (over and over) you will continue to rewire and train your brain for joy. In 90 seconds.
Be Kind, Rewind. Return to Joy.
Cheers to a healthier week!
Returning to Joy is the third uncommon habit taught in the book Rare Leadership.
Authored by Marcus Warner & Jim Wilder